![]() ![]() Occasionally, Matthew McConaughey goes over to Diane Lane’s house to have sex with her, after which she pays him. So he came here, to Plymouth Island, one of these island paradises where people talk about Miami a lot, but the steering wheel is on the other side of the car, and there’s a very folksy local radio station where the DJ seems to be talking just to him, and you’re like: yes, I get it, Matthew McConaughey, you’re dead, get those pants off already. Matthew McConaughey went off to war when the kid was young, and when he came back everything was different, and the kid’s mom had taken up with a violent guy. Matthew McConaughey has a Matthew McConakid somewhere out in the world, and sometimes when he’s underwater, he and the boy can sort of communicate telepathically. No dice on this try Justice gets away, and the guy who just said he has already paid $700 cash says “If you think I’m paying you one cent for this, you’re out of your mind.” So right away, you learn two things: Matthew McConaughey is on a mission, and the production company did not splash out on extravagances like a script supervisor. McConaughey is determined to reel in this fish-a big old tuna he calls “Justice”-once and for all. “I paid you $700 cash for this,” the tourist protests, but to no avail. When one of the tourists who have rented his boat gets a tug on his fishing line, Matthew McConaughey (whose name in this movie is Baker Dill, but in every other way he is Matthew McConaughey) grabs the rod from him. Right from the beginning, you know that Things Are Not What They Seem, all that remains to be determined is How and Whether You Will Care. I would say “spoiler alert” here, but the movie pretty much comes at you pre-spoiled: We open on a shot of a child’s face, and then zoom way into his left eye, wherein lies a placid blue sea, a fishing boat called Serenity, and a sun-damaged Matthew McConaughey making zero sense. The result is Serenity, and Serenity is fucking crazy. The latest gang to take the McConaughey Challenge includes Anne Hathaway, Diane Lane, Djimon Hounsou, and writer/director Steven Knight. ![]() Wahlberg's 'Mile 22' Wants You to Go F*ck Yourself.'The Happytime Murders' Caps Off the Worst Summer. ![]()
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